Thursday, March 29, 2012

Not My Daughter

Dear Ne-Yo,

Hey, brothaman. Yeah, I know…you don’t know me, but I just had to get in touch with you. I heard about your interview with People magazine where you said that you’re going to do your best to make sure that your daughter doesn’t end up on a pole.

I’m a little confused. If I remember correctly, you blew thousands of dollars at the strip joint recently with your baby mama in tow—the same woman who happens to be the mother of your two children. Excuse me while I process the cognitive dissonance. (Cognitive dissonance: The state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs or attitudes, esp. as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.)

If you don’t want to raise a daughter who ends up on the pole, I would say it all starts with you. Parents lead by example. A child won’t listen to what you say, they’ll “hear” what you do.

Sure, your daughter has years to go and may never hear about your forays into the “den of meat”, but I wouldn’t be so sure of that. The Internet has a long shelf-life. What would you do if she found out about you and her mama’s escapades years from now? And what’s up with men anyway? The same women ya’ll condemn (strippers, “hoes”, etc.) are the same women ya’ll lust after and run to for fun. Again, excuse me while I process the cognitive dissonance.

Yeah, I’re going to say those aren’t the women that you want to take home to mama. Well, why are you taking them to bed? Why are you blowing your money on them when you can settle down with what society considers “a respectable woman”? (By the way, what’s a respectable woman anyway? Men have sought to put women in “their place” by putting labels on them for centuries now by calling them “hoe”, “whore”, etc.)

It’s not fair that you condemn women for their choices when you worship those same women that you demean (even if it’s only for lust). Don’t get it twisted. Your daughter will notice the dissonance between your words and your actions…the same way she will notice how society talks out of both corners of its mouth by talking up sex, yet making people feel ashamed to engage in it at the same time.

You see it all the time when men say they want a good girl but turn around and shower the bad ones with money and gifts. Yes, I know…you’re saying, it’s okay for “those girls” to do it but “not my daughter.” No one wants their daughter to grow up to be a stripper or a prostitute. Well, why don’t you lead by example and show her the woman she should be rather than talking out of both sides of your mouth? I don’t mean to be harsh, but I’m tired of society being hypocrites. The only way we can change things is by addressing it.

Well, I guess it’s time for me to step off my soapbox now. I wish you and your family the best. And I truly hope your daughter doesn't end up on the pole.



  1. Excellent post, and spot on. I hate it when people talk out of both ends, especially if they are in the lime light--Jay Z calling women B's and what not. They should be leading by example. If they want their daughters to be respected, they should be respecting other people's daughters as well.

    Far as I'm concerned Karma is mean lady when she wants to be.

    1. A lot of people bring up Jay-Z when they speak of the hypocrisy between hip-hop and dads. Jay isn't looking good in a lot of people's eyes. Hopefully, he'll get the hint and make some changes.

      Amen to everything you said.