Thursday, March 1, 2012

He’s Not Going To Change His Mind

The Maintenance Man

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
~Maya Angelou

You meet a good-looking guy and your hormones start jumping so you give him some a little too soon. Next thing you know, he’s only texting you at night hoping to ‘play’. You allow it. As a matter of fact, you jump every time he sends those short texts, excited to see him…happy that he’s visiting you even if it’s in the dead of night.

You tell yourself that you enjoy the sex just as much as he does and don’t mind being his—his—  Oh, you don’t want to call yourself that word. It makes you seem so low, so pathetic. But, sweetie, let’s call it what it is. You’re his booty call. Been there. Done that.

You keep ‘seeing’ him and slowly find yourself falling for him. It’s getting deeper than the sex now. (No pun intended with the word “deeper”.) He continues to call you when he wants the goodies, making it clear by his actions (if not his words) that what’s going on is not going to go further than the bedroom. In your mind, you see different versions of what things can be/are. It’s time to wake up, darling. You are not going to get that man to change his mind.

More often than not, if the man you are with is treating you like a toy, he’s going to continue to do so. Once you are put in the category of the booty call, you will rarely, if ever, escape that role. A man who is into you will show you that from jump. He will call, he will ask questions about you…about your life, etc. In other words, he will be interested in you outside of the numerous positions he can put you into.

If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know that I rarely cover relationship issues. At first I thought I was too bitter to delve into the topic. Well, maybe I am still bitter, but perhaps I can use that bitterness to help another woman. My child’s father did me wrong, but the key thing to remember is this: I allowed him to do it.

As women, I think we need to remember that men will only do what we let them get away with. We need to take back our power by not tolerating what many of these men have grown accustomed to: getting sex with no strings attached. We need to listen to our instincts and pay attention to the signs that are there…the signs that say he doesn’t care about you...the signs that say that he will never come around to caring for you the way you may have started to care for him…the signs that say he wasn’t relationship material anyway. And most importantly, don’t ignore the signs that say he might be taken. I didn’t find out that my baby daddy was married until I told him I was pregnant. Um…that’s something he could have told me sooner. (Do you hear the sarcasm?)

In closing, if you want to have fun, have fun. But know this: the way it starts off is how it’s going to end. Don’t expect that man that you’ve been having fun with to change his mind. It’s not going to happen.

P.S. Ain’t that man fine? LOL


  1. Great googley moogley!!! I just committed about 20 acts of adultery in my mind...that is one fine specimen there...okay...focus...your closing comments summed it all up: The way it starts off is the way its going to end. If you start off as a jumpoff then that's how it's going to end 99% of the time. Being clear and upfront about what you both want and expect is so much easier to say than do...especially if he looks anything like him up there does :) But we have to do it or suffer the consequences when things go sour because one wants something totally different than what was originally expected and the other isn't willing, ready or able to provide it.

    1. Oh my gawsh! You are too funny! I'm laughing so hard right now. Well said, sista. Well said.

  2. "As women, I think we need to remember that men will only do what we let them get away with." You are so right. I think as women we forget this sometimes. It's true even if you are married. Can't allow yourself to be a pushover as well.

    1. Amen to that, Kalley. Actually, it goes even further than that. PEOPLE will only do what we allow them to get away with.

  3. Okay, um...damn! that! ummm ok, lol... The post is phenomenal. I love what you said, "...the way it starts off is how its going to end... so true.

    1. "Damn" is right. Just seeing him again to comment on the post made my mouth water. ;-)

      Thanks so much, Dietta!