Saturday, February 18, 2012

What Next?

u turn
Life is funny. If we’re not careful, the curveballs that it throws at us can leave us bitter, downtrodden and depressed. Many of you are already aware of the fiasco that I went through with my ex-publishing company All Things That Matter Press. (If not, click here.) My heart is still hurting over the way they cheated me out of my money and left me without a published novel. I know they thought they could do this to me because I’m broke and they thought I wouldn’t be able to get a lawyer (I’m working on that now so I can get what is rightfully owed to me).

My gut spoke to me when I first got involved with them but, once again, I ignored it. How often do we ignore our gut because we want something to work out, because we’re grasping for love, because we want to move on to the next level? How often do we take that job knowing it isn’t right for us and that we should pass? Once we take it and things fall apart, we are left with shattered pieces, shattered dreams and end up having to “change lanes or make a U-turn” as Terry McMillan said.

I’m at that point now. I’m left wondering, “What next?” I’m left wondering how am I ever going to get my life back on track because I was depending on getting the word out about my novel so I could make a living as a published author. I’m left wondering how am I going to take care of that precious little girl who looks at me like I’m the world. I’m left wondering if I will ever be a published author again…if someone, a reputable agent, will pick up Zaire’s Place or my other novel and turn it into my pot of gold.

Of course, this isn’t the first time I had to pick up the shards of glass after something went terribly wrong. Many of us have to do it over and over again because life isn’t easy. But I find myself constantly wondering why does it have to be so hard? I find myself wondering why good people always get shitted on. I’m a good person and time and time again, I get treated poorly by others. I want to believe in Karma, but I often wonder if it is real and if it is why I don’t get a good dose of it to make up for the pain.

And so, I say again, “What next?” Right now I’m trying to bring some money in by offering my services as a writer/editor. I know that God has given me a talent and I want to use it. I’m trying to remember that God doesn’t give you more than you can take and that every problem you face is making you stronger. If that’s the case I must be He-Man by now because I’m constantly plagued with the problems life dishes out. I’m trying to remember my favorite saying, “In the end it all works out. If it hasn’t worked out, then it’s not the end.” But at the same time, in the recess of my mind, I’m left wondering “what next” and will it ever be right again?

4 comments:

  1. Great to hear you’ve included God in your analogy of “what next”. I read your blog about your ex-publishing company but didn’t feel I could respond appropriately at the time by cell phone. I was so sorry to hear that the company was unworthy and left you hanging in the air. My prayer for you is that it will only be an inconvenient but very temporary postponement. You were right that the problems that God allows us to face make us stronger. However, temptation is about the only time He allows us a way out of more than we can take. Other than that, He customarily gives us more than we can take… He does it to help us see that we need Him and His strength and that we can’t always trust in our own. You’re right again though that God gave you the talent to do what you do so well. My other prayer is that you will trust in Him, Ty and concentrate on the talent that He’s given you and allow it to do what it does… Try not to get too sidetracked with attorneys and legal mumbo jumbo. Use your pain and anger to concentrate on your gift. Besides, if your ex-publishing company’s reputation is subpar, you may find yourself at the end of a long line of collectors anyway. I hate being dead right. You’re an outstanding writer, sweetheart. Do what you love to do. Trust in God and His will for your life and write your heart out. He’ll make whatever is next a lot clearer.

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    1. Jerriell, your words gave me goosebumps. They comforted me, spoke to me and enveloped me with love. They gave me a burning desire to press on. I won't get side-tracked and I will continue to do write my heart out. Thank you for reading my words. Thank you for your support. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I'm keeping your words forever!

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  2. God loves you, Ty and so do I. Your sharing of love and devotion brings tears to my eyes. Please never ever stop for anything or anybody. The world needs what God has given you to share with us... THANK YOU!

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    1. No...thank YOU for appreciating ME! It means a lot to me. I don't think you fully realize just how much.

      Nope, I don't plan on stopping. The world could be coming to an end and you'll find me typing away on my old laptop. ;-)

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