Wednesday, February 1, 2012

5 Ways To Get Out Of Your Own Way

strong woman
Aliens is my favorite science fiction movie of all time. In the Alien franchise, the enemy lives on the inside of its host and eats it up from the inside out. What happens when you are that alien? What happens when you eat yourself up from the inside out with self-doubt and sabotaging behaviors?

I was having a conversation with Women Are Gamechangers on Facebook and this subject came up. We are often our own worst enemy. Because of self-doubt, we miss opportunities and don’t become who we are destined to be.

It’s ironic that I’m writing this post. I’m one of the most critical, self-doubting folks out there. I have spent my entire life trying to silence my inner critic, trying to get away from self-doubt. Perhaps, in some twisted way, maybe that’s why I’m the best person to write this.

Here are some of the ways that I’m working on destroying my inner alien:

Talk it down – Have a conversation with yourself. Every time you tell yourself that you are "no good” at something, that you "suck", etc., think of all the specific times that you were successful, that you didn’t “suck”, that you achieved what you set out to do. The key here is to be specific. The mind latches on to details. By pointing out what you did successfully, the inner critic slowly begins to disappear.

 Go after what you want – Do the thing that you fear. By facing challenges and overcoming them, you are setting yourself up to be bigger and better in your own eyes. Thus, you will be better equipped at silencing that inner alien because you will have proof that you capable of doing the things you thought you couldn’t do.

Face your doubt – Embrace what you are feeling. Don’t try to ignore it or shove it to the side. Tell yourself, “Hey, I’m feeling inferior…like I’m a loser. I accept that feeling.” Once again, think of those times when you weren’t a “loser”, those times when you were successful (I’m sure you have plenty of examples) and let them leave an imprint on your brain.

Turn to a friend – If you are blessed with a great support system, use it. Many times, we don’t like to go to another person and confess our feelings of self-doubt and inferiority because we think it will make us look weak. Get over it. Your friends (the real ones anyway) will remind you of just how awesome you truly are. Let them.

And the last one:

Just tell that alien to "SHUT UP!" Simple as that. Shout it down. Treat it the way you normally treat yourself. Turn all the negative things you say to yourself around and direct it toward that negative parasite.

Once we get over our Doubting Darlenes, we will be equipped to be all that our Creator wants us to be. And just remember this: You’re awesome. It’s time the world knows it, too.


  1. I concur. Sometimes we just need to tell that alien to shut up. Self doubt is more destructive than anything I know of in my life. It takes one day at a time to get it under control, and your methods will definitely help.

  2. Thanks, Kalley. I love your line "self doubt is more destructive than anything I know..." May we get it under control and live the lives we were meant to live.

  3. Okay have you been reading my mail? lol Thanks this a good reminder to stay positive and to tell the inner critic, yet again to shut the hell up! :-)

  4. Hey, Dietta. Yes indeed. I'm telling that alien to shut the hell up as I type this. LOL ;-)

  5. I love the last one!!! My favorite :)Good luck to you on demolishing that inner alien!!! I have faith in you!

    1. Awww...thanks, Michelle. I'm trying. ;-)

  6. Good post T.C. "Turn to a friend". That is so powerful. I was reminded of this when Don Cornelius committed suicide. Of course, we don't know the particulars, but it saddened me that besides God, there apparently wasn't anyone he felt that he could talk to. Or perhaps some friends might have spoken to him, but his mind was made up. I guess in some cases celebrities have confided in friends, only to find their business sold to the tabloids for money.

    In any case, I hope most of us will be able to cultivate the type of friends that we will feel comfortable going to in the times of need. Not just good-time Charlenes that we can hang out with. But friends who will cry with you, advise you sincerely, pray with you, and keep their mouths shut. :)

    1. Thanks, Pam. Don's death hit me real hard. Just reading about it right now brought back so many emotions. I wish he had someone to turn to that could have talked him off the ledge, too.

      It's nice to see you mention Charlene. That brought a smile to my face. Loved the part about friends that will cry with you and pray for you. Amen!