Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Trap

IMAGE: Fantasia Barrino
The Internet is buzzing with news of Fantasia’s pregnancy and naturally it got me to thinking. (Warning! My thoughts can be hazardous to your health LOL.). I began to wonder about Fantasia’s bundle of joy in the making. Was it planned? Was it unplanned? Notice I didn’t use the word “mistake” because no baby is ever a mistake, and word choice is everything. To tell you the truth, I hope her pregnancy was unplanned because if she got pregnant to trap her boyfriend (who is about to become “babydaddy”), I feel sorry for her. It rarely works.

I come from a long line of women who have been left to carry the motherhood load alone. My mother had six children by four different men and she was honest enough to admit that she thought she could keep a man by having his baby. Needless to say, it didn’t work. And why would it? If a man has no intention of staying with you in the first place, why would he stay because of the child?  “Oh, he’s an honorable man who wants to do right by us,” some of ya’ll would say. Yeah, that may last a year. Two. Perhaps even five. But he’s going to eventually leave if he didn’t want you for the long haul.

I’m a mother…a single mother. When I found out I was pregnant, I cried for days…weeks. My little miracle did not come about so I could trap the dude. I just got lost in the moment and failed to protect myself. I didn’t have an inkling of a notion that “babydaddy” was going to stick around. As a matter of fact, I knew he wasn’t because we were just having “fun” and it wasn’t a relationship. However, I must admit, I didn’t think he would disappear when I told him I was expecting. I thought he would at least take care of his responsibility by doing the minimal, i.e. child support checks. Lord knows I wasn’t trying to trap his a$$…he wasn’t worthy of being trapped! It was a physical thing and I was attracted to him. Bottom line. But that’s another topic for another day. (I do have a tendency to get sidetracked.)

Women have to get over this notion that having a baby will keep a man. Besides, why would you want a man if he doesn’t want you…a man who is only staying because of baby?

No matter how it went down, I wish Fantasia the best of luck. After all, she is part of the sistahood and I love my sistas. To those women out there who think having a baby will keep a man, let me leave you with some wise words from Terry McMillan:

“I know quite a few young women who thought having the baby would help them get or keep the man. Rarely does it work. Babies don’t make you more desirable. They make you a mother. And in too many cases, a single one.”


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